Millions of people consider themselves “confused” about their own sexuality. So, you’re not alone if you feel curious or indifferent too. As it turns out, there are several reasons for those kinds of emotions. One of which being the fact that so many people are drop-dead sexy these days.
It can be hard to figure out where you fit in, especially if you’re a cool kid who gets along with everybody. What makes you tick for real, and how do you find more of it in a healthy and constructive way? Those are questions we all share, and perhaps we’ve finally found the answer.
To put this into perspective, the definition must first be understood. Keep in mind that this word means different things in every culture, so take what makes sense and leave behind what doesn’t. After all, this entire exercise is to help you feel more comfortable in your own skin. So, why would we start out by forcing a paradigm that doesn’t fit your lifestyle?
What does sexuality mean?
The definition of the concept in question is simple. However, it also involves very complex ideals and biological mechanisms. For example, a person’s sexuality is typically inspired by their life experiences and supported by physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual factors. In turn, their sexual behaviors mirror that which they find attractive and/or repulsive in another human being.
Because this is such a broad term, sexual preferences can consist of just about anything imaginable. In simpler terms, it can describe the way a person identifies in relation to all other genders. So, while the term can sometimes be used to define sexual orientation, it doesn’t always have to.
Factors that affect your sexual nature
Your sexual nature is as unique as your fingerprint, but scientists have been able to break it down into four basic components and these are it:
- Biology
- Gender Identity
- Social Roles
- Orientation
Meanwhile, there are many theories about the development of each component. Experts always like to speculate about how different factors combine and contrast to create an individual’s sexual flavor. But despite all the sexy science, nobody has been able to put their finger on the exact cause of someone’s sexuality.
Either way, you can still unlock the secret for yourself if you have the right keys. All it takes is a little self-discovery through some hard-core honesty. You’ll also need enough time to mull it over in your head or heart properly. And because this journey could lead to everlasting love, it’s probably a good idea to take it seriously too.
5 ways to determine your sexuality
A person’s sexual preferences are, and should always be, a very private thing. After all, everything tastes a little better when it’s dipped in mystery. Still, you can’t stay in the closet or under the rug forever. At some point, you’ll have to decide (or at least stop searching). Here are 5 ways to do it:
#1. Get to know yourself
The saying goes, “To thine own self be true,” and that’s great advice for anyone trying to determine their sexuality. You can’t possibly determine anything if you don’t know where you stand. So, get to know yourself intimately (and yes, that’s supposed to sound dirty).
That means practicing behaviors and keeping habits to help you uncover triggers. Use this time to figure out what makes you tick. Are you into internal or external stimulation? How do you feel about certain types of people? Does your zipper feel funny around anything in particular or do you get off with anything? Start there.
#2. Expose yourself
This doesn’t mean run out to the local mall and flash your junk to a stranger. It does, however, mean exposing yourself to different scenarios to pick out the things you like and dislike. So, go to parties, explore your neighborhood, and say “yes” to invitations. Just be sure to keep your pants up unless instructed otherwise.
Exposing yourself to different situations can help you become more familiar with who you are as a human being, let along a sexual one. It also allows you to meet new people and try new things, or at least have the opportunities to. People who turn into hermits because they’re sexually confused only get worse when they have nobody for checks and balances.
#3. Experiment a little
You know those opportunities mentioned in the steps above? Well, you need to take advantage of them whenever you can, especially if you want to be sexually solid. Experimentation isn’t just for the science lab anymore. So, attack the situation like it plays a pivotal role in your bedroom master’s degree…because it does.
This means you should make a habit of trying different masturbation, foreplay, and/or intercourse techniques every time you get the chance. Bring in new supplies, fresh faces, and updated perspectives. Start watching the most recent porn, try out some cool VR stuff, or DIY something of your own. The point is to step out of your comfort zone as often as possible until you feel comfortable on the other side.
#4. Try using sex toys
Sex toys get a lot of gruff because of their humble beginnings, but these items are responsible for some downright miracles and that’s the truth. In fact, it’s safe to say that many-a-marriage has been saved by the incorporation of a simple “marital aid.” That’s because everyone loves great sex, even people who can’t figure out their sexuality.
Pleasure products are made specifically to generate an orgasm, sometimes without even needing a partner’s help. They’re clean, compact, and even be clinical so you don’t feel so dirty. Back in the day, you had to get a prescription from a doctor to use a dildo. Now, you can buy one at a store and then go straight home to find out what floats your boat. Take advantage.
#5. Talk to someone
This struggle of yours doesn’t have to remain as mysterious as the magic that happens behind your curtain. You can talk about sexual issues with people who understand and get helpful feedback to consider along the way. There are support groups, private counselors, and no-cost best friends ready to discuss whatevs.
Ask them if they’ve noticed anything that you haven’t noticed. See whether or not you exhibit any signs of a specific sexual orientation. Find out if there are any forgotten memories or statements made. Then, compare those things to the personality you’ve been projecting to uncover matches. If you need more help, start a journal.
Determining your sexuality is a right and a responsibility, so proceed with caution. Understand that picking a preference isn’t always permanent. You can change your mind at any time and the final decision is your business alone. As long as you’re being safe, it doesn’t matter which side of the fence you’re on.
Tips for safely exploring your sexuality
We hear “be safe” all the time, especially when it comes to sex, but what does that even mean? To our grandparents it meant doing the deed in the missionary position and only on specific days of the month to prevent unwanted pregnancy. To the modern person, however, it can mean many different things.
To “safely” explore your sexual nature no matter which century you were born, just do this:
- Start Out Slow – Even Usher said he wanted to take it nice and slow, so heed his advice. Never rush through this process, especially when you’re experimenting with new things or around new people.
- Protect the Sex – Not that your partners are nasty or anything, it’s just a good idea to wear condoms and other prophylactics to protect yourself from possible sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- Record Experiences – It’s much easier to track your progress and make educated decisions when you have something to study. So, keep a detailed journal of your experiences and opinions thereof.
- Buy a New Supply – Try not to use old or outdated sex toys if you can avoid it. Instead, opt for something brand spanking new because that’s how you make friends, kids. Also, it helps you stay safe and have a better experience.
For more information on sexual safety, talk to your doctor or read expert studies because this is not medical advice.
The takeaway
Your expression of sexuality can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you can figure out what that is.